Posts (page 2)
I'm guessing if you're a picky, "gourmet" eater in life, you're probably that way as a zombie as well.
Always wanting French brains.
Adding garnish to an open skull.
Zombie friends will often ask you which wine goes with brains.
They're just using you, though.
Just tell them "Dude, don't be that zombie..."
People think a boxing orangutan is funny. The chicken fighting him, however, begs to differ.
Why don't we hear more about school Nerf-ings? My guess? News organizations don't cover it, afraid it might encourage Nerf-copycats. Damn Nerf criminal element.
I like thunderstorms.
The feeling of electricity as they roll in.
The thunder.
The lightning.
The anticipation that lightning will strike that guy waiting for the bus out front and I can have his shoes.
You can stand around wishing for something with all your might. But, unless you just take the damn thing, William Shatner is gonna steal it before you, jackass.
They always tell me I jack around too much at work. In fact, I jack in the same place at work. Constantly. Which someone will be cleaning up when I leave. If they can find it.
Although the narrator on Discovery Channel said salmon come in all shapes and sizes, I know that they only come in fish shape. Some would say that makes me some kind of fish bigot, but come on people, let's be honest here!
You know what strippers and astronauts have in common?
I don't meet the staggeringly similar physical qualifications for either job.
Also, you have to be kind of a whore.
(That's "middle school" for you kids.)
Oh, who am I kidding...if someone asked me to roll up a character tomorrow...
Mr. Malcolm is not amused by all this holiday cookie making.
"It leads to fewer laps and less petting, dammit!"
